The Optimal Temperature of Relationships
People need a proper distance between each other, much like sitting by a stove. That distance is not coldness, but a considerate space meant to protect each other's warmth. Is your relationship hot enough to burn, or is it an ice-cold room devoid of even a hint of warmth?
Hello, this is Ditto.
Loving someone is truly a difficult thing.
If we get too close, we are pricked and hurt by each other's thorns,
but if we pull away out of fear of getting hurt, we are left shivering in loneliness.
The German philosopher Schopenhauer called this the 'Hedgehog's Dilemma.'
On a cold winter day, hedgehogs gather together because they need each other's warmth, but they are forced to separate again due to their sharp quills.
Aren't our relationships much the same?
Haven't we raised our quills by trying to control the other person in the name of love, or by demanding that they understand everything about us?
Conversely, aren't we sitting all alone in a freezing room with the doors to our hearts locked tight, unwilling to get hurt?
In his masterpiece The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran poetically wrote this about 'marriage' and human relationships:
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."
"Love one another, but make not a bond of love."
"For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
A distance where the oak tree and the cypress are not overshadowed by each other's shade.
That is not coldness.
It is a space of the deepest consideration, allowing each other to fully receive sunlight and take root.
This is what we call 'respect.'
Let us think of a stove.
The moment we are most grateful for a stove is not when we jump right into it,
but when we sit at a proper distance and feel its warmth.
Between people, too, there needs to be a distance that maintains an 'optimal temperature.'
The Eastern classic, the Analects of Confucius, also speaks of 'Harmony in Diversity' (和而不同, He er bu tong).
This means getting along well with others (和), without blindly trying to become the exact same (不同).
Acknowledging each other's differences and setting healthy boundaries between them—that is the wisdom to sustaining relationships for a long time.
Look back on your own relationships.
Are they so hot that you are burning each other?
Or are they so far apart that they are ice-cold rooms without even a hint of warmth?
A distance where you can feel each other's breath, but do not step on each other's toes.
Only in that proper space can love truly dance.
I hope you do not try too hard.
Because that gap, where a little bit of longing can linger,
will keep you and that person warm for a longer time.
Hoping you find the perfect temperature for each other.
This was Ditto.
(This content was created using generative AI, with partial edits and reviews by the administrator.)