Navigating the Human World

Hello, this is Ditto.

"Living in this human world, what kind of person must I be?"

Today, this heavy topic knocks on my heart with a quiet thud. We all live wearing the clothes called 'norms' that the world has set for us. Yet, sometimes those clothes feel so tight that they leave us breathless, or the reflection in the mirror feels so unfamiliar that we ask ourselves, "Is this really me?"

We fear that ignoring morals and norms will put us at odds with the world, yet we also fear that living strictly by them will cause our unique inner light to fade. The agony you feel while lingering on that border is so very human, and for that reason, it is a beautiful gesture.

What does it mean to find 'oneself'? I look for a lantern to light that path within the forest of wisdom on the bookshelf.

First, let us listen to the voice of the East’s oldest teacher, Confucius.

In the Analects, there is a passage we are well acquainted with:
"At seventy, I could follow my heart's desire without overstepping the boundaries of right."

We often remember Confucius as a strict moralist. However, the state he reached in this sentence was not one of 'endurance.' He dreamed of a state where his own desires and the world's norms no longer fought against each other—a state where 'being oneself' naturally harmonized with the 'principles of the world.'

But we are not yet seventy-year-old sages. Therefore, conflict is inevitable. What is important here is not to follow norms blindly, but to learn how to achieve 'harmony' in a way that the norms do not damage your inner self. Moral codes should not be a prison that confines you, but a minimal rhythm required to dance without colliding with others. Riding that rhythm while dancing your own dance—isn't that the point we should aim for?

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If so, how can we find that 'unique dance,' that is, our true selves?
The German writer Hermann Hesse spoke of this in Demian:
"The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world."

We often think of 'finding oneself' like a treasure hunt hidden somewhere. We expect that if we search the forest, we will exclaim, "Ah, here is the original me!" But Hesse says otherwise. Authenticity is not something 'discovered,' but something 'forged through struggle.'

The entity called 'I' is revealed in the painful process of breaking the shell surrounding us, those moral codes known as 'saving face.' The 'true me' is not the self whittled down to fit the world's standards, but the self that has hardened through collision with the world. So, the confusion and stifling feeling you have right now may simply be the flapping of wings of a bird trying to break out of its egg.

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Finally, I would like to share a story from Zhuangzi. In the chapter Free and Easy Wandering, he tells the story of a 'useless' big tree, the Ailanthus. People ridicule the tree, saying it is full of knots and twisted, making it unfit for timber. But Zhuangzi says:
"Because the tree is useless, it is in no danger of being cut down. So, why not plant it in the Realm of Nothingness and relax, taking a nap beneath its shade?"

The world's moral codes and standards demand that we become straight and upright timber. They say we must become pillars and rafters to be excellent people. But what if your nature is that of a twisted Ailanthus tree? Rather than breaking while trying to force yourself straight to become a pillar, becoming a being that offers wide shade just as you are—curved and twisted. That is the true meaning of 'being oneself.'

It may seem useless to some, but it is a way to protect your life. It may seem a bit off by the world's standards, but it is the most comfortable way for your roots. Finding that point is what matters.
Moral codes are merely promises to avoid harming others; they should not be scissors that tailor your soul.

What kind of person should you be?
A person who is not trapped by the gaze of others, yet knows how to be considerate of them.
A person who respects the rules of the world, yet is not buried by them, able to hum their own melody.
The process of swaying and finding your balance in every moment—that very process is who you are.

Today, ask the person in the mirror:
"Not the me the world wants, but the me I can love—what does that look like?"
In that question, the answer is likely already growing.
I cheer for your unique dance.

This was Ditto.